In this final installment of the Jedi Mind Tricks series, we will look at what it means to use Natural and Logical Consequences. As a parent, you are most likely already using consequences of some sort – but are they working for you? If your consequences don’t seem to be making a difference in your child’s behavior, using Natural and Logical Consequences may be just what you need.
“What Cake” by Tummy Mountain
Arbitrary consequences move the child’s thoughts away from the problem and onto the “thing” that is being taken away.
Young children, especially, are often confused by arbitrary punishments such as “If you hit your brother, you can’t watch videos all week.” In this case, the child is probably no longer thinking about how he hurt his brother, but about how he is mad at Mom for taking away his videos. What we want to do is focus the child’s attention on the thing they did that we are upset about and offer a remedy. We can do this by using Natural and Logical Consequences.
“Natural” Consequences are the reasons behind most of the rules we impose on children: We want our kids to wear jackets outside so they don’t get cold; getting cold is the natural consequence of not wearing a jacket. If you simply allow your child to feel the cold on their body, they will likely be ready to come back in for that coat in a matter of moments. Sometimes it makes perfect sense to use the Natural Consequence as a teaching tool, but other times the Natural Consequence would be too dangerous (for instance: the Natural Consequence of running into a busy road is getting hit by a car). In that case, you need to move on to Logical Consequences.
“Logical” Consequences are directly related to the behavior of the child. In the example of a child running into the street while playing in the yard, the Logical Consequence would be that they are not allowed to play outside until they are ready to play safely. Logical Consequences make sense to children. Let’s take a look at a few examples of Logical Consequences:
Kirsten refuses to brush her teeth ⇒ Kirsten can’t have any sweets
Tom dumps his toys on the ground and won’t clean up ⇒ Tom can’t play with any other toys until he helps Mom pick up the ones on the floor
Tia refuses to wash her hands after using the bathroom ⇒ Tia can’t play with her toys until she washes her hands (so she doesn’t spread germs)
Jason hit his little brother ⇒ Jason must sit with his little brother and rub his back until he feels better
Grace dumps a potted plant out all over the carpet ⇒ Grace needs to help Mama scoop up the dirt and repot the plant
Kelly is constantly poking/kicking the dog ⇒ Kelly is not allowed to play with the dog on her own until she can play safely
In my experience, children are much more likely to respond positively (i.e. not do it again!) when using Logical Consequences. Have you tried this? What do you think?
You can read the first two parts of this series here:
Jedi Mind Tricks for Parents {Part 1}: Picking Your Battles
Jedi Mind Tricks for Parents {Part 2}: Giving Choices
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Love this, and love your blog. Good, concise writing, and helpful tips. Like the layout, too.
This is a good reminder for me – I’m going to chat about this with my hubs tonight over dinner. I think we need to be more proactive in selecting the right consequences for our 4-year-old.
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Thank you! It really makes my day to hear positive feedback
I love your natural and logical consequences. I used several of your examples when my 4-1/2 year old grandson and 1-1/2 year old granddaughter were here for 2 overnights this week. I especially liked having my grandson rub my granddaughter’s back after he hit her. I have a couple of questions. My grandson has asked some questions that make me think that the only reason he usually doesn’t hit his sister is because of consequences. I have been trying to get him to talk about the “real” reasons he shouldn’t hit her. So far, he has come up with “because it’s a bad decision.” I suggested it was also because it hurts her and makes her cry, and because he loves her. I am not sure he really “got” that it hurts her. What do you think about this whole area of discussion with him? Thanks.
I am so glad that you tried this! I think you did exactly the right thing by focusing on how it hurts his sister when he hits her. If he doesn’t seem to be getting it yet, that’s okay! It takes time to develop empathy. Try not to get too upset and just talk with him calmly and keep focusing his attention on his little sister. You can say “Look at her face. How do you think she is feeling right now?” If you find yourself sounding accusatory, you might get a response like “I don’t know.” You will probably get a better response if you try to keep your tone matter-of-fact. If he does say “I don’t know”, you can respond with “Well, she looks really upset to me. She’s crying and her face is all red and scrunched up.” You can also try asking him how he feels when someone hits him. Does it hurt his body? Does it make him feel mad or scared? Once he says how he feels when someone hurts him, you can explain that his little sister feels the same way when he hits her, she just doesn’t know enough words yet to tell him.
Good luck & let me know how it goes!