Comments on: Discussion Topic: Children and Violent Pretend Play – How Do You Handle It?

By: BlueHornet

BlueHornet — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:23:11 +0000

This look interesting,so far.
If there’s anyone else here, let me know.
Oh, and yes I’m a real person LOL.

Peace,

By: Kristen

Kristen — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:14:55 +0000

We live in a very rural area where hunting is common. My husband hunts and my boys (5 and 3) are familiar with the idea. However, my husband is a paramedic in a city (an hour away) and I am a surgeon who trained in a trauma center. We don’t think pretending to kill people, any people, is acceptable. It is a horrible act at its most necessary and scars not only the victim’s family and friends but also the perpetrator. I don’t think my son pretending to kill your son (with any weapon, including hands) is any more acceptable than my son pretending to rape your daughter. With that in mind, we have nerf guns which they can shoot at anyone who agrees to play the game and their pretend play is limited to shooting animals and monsters. Shoot all the horrible monsters you want but no “bad guys”. So far, so good.

By: Alison Kerr

Alison Kerr — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 23:20:04 +0000

I never let my kids have pretend guns for playing with. At times they did take other things and turn them into ‘guns’ for pretend play when they were younger (they are teens now). When that happened I just monitored how they were playing. If they had ever pointed any kind of pretend gun in anger there would have been major consequences from their parents!
IMO guns are something you only point at something/someone you’re prepared to kill. I didn’t so much have an issue with pretending to have a gun during fantasy play as I had an issue with learning the habit of pointing a gun at someone. A realistic gun is different from something make of cardboard as far as I am concerned. I also banned 1st person shooting games because I believe they create familiarity with the idea of pointing a gun and that is NOT OK with me.
Having said all this, sometimes when my kids were playing with friends/relatives they were given guns to play with. I wasn’t worried about that because it was a pretty small percentage of their childhood playtime and not the same as having a realistic play gun at home. I’d have objected to them playing with a pretend gun belonging to someone else if it had been regular.

By: Global Mama

Global Mama — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:49:56 +0000

Andrea – So true! I agree that a lot of the play that children do around guns is about figuring out the big issues: good and evil, life and death, and power.

By: Global Mama

Global Mama — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:41:43 +0000

Jessica – Thanks for getting the discussion started. I will be very interested in what people have to say about this topic, too!

Anne – What an amazing story! I think this gets to one of the key issues – the disconnect between what children may be seeing on TV or from friends, and the reality of what guns do, and how they are used. Children used to be taught to be taught about all kinds of dangerous things (open fires, knives, guns) out of necessity, and for the most part, children learn how to be safe around these things if they are taught how.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:08:52 +0000

Growing up my brother, sister and I played "cops and robbers" "cowboys and Indians" without too much thought about the gun or weapon part of the play. It was more about the adventure and excitement of "catching the bad guys" and "good against evil". I think, in a way, gun or weapon play helps kids get a handle on the bad things that go on in the world and that there are some kind of rules and deterrents out there to keep them safe. I feel like the mystery went away for my children when I left them to explore that kind of play and when they asked my opinion I told them I didn't like guns but didn't forbid them to pretend. For them, I think the "play" and acting out the scenarios helped remove the mystery and therefore removed any unhealthy interest. Andrea’s last blog post..Houses on a hill

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:36:27 +0000

I’m glad you brought this up too. I have a different take on this from most city people. My maternal grandfather was raised in a small cabin in the mountains above Redding in the late 1800s-early 1900s. He was the main hunter for his mom and 7 brothers and sisters when his father was out-of-state for his job. My grandfather became a skilled tracker and killer of game large and small. When I was quite young — I think 6 or 7 — my grandfather began teaching me about guns. He taught me how to take apart, clean, and put back together, a .22 rifle. I had to do it over and over and over. Only when I was really good at that chore was I allowed to target shoot. Only when I was able to hit the bulls eye frequently was I taken hunting for small game. I never made it past the small game stage because I didn’t want to and refused to shoot them. From the beginning my grandfather gave graphic but to him everyday stories about what guns do. They are meant to kill animals, and if necessary, people. My brother, cousins and I were taught never ever to point a gun at a person unless we intended to kill them. Ditto with animals. We were never to point a fake gun at a person because we weren’t supposed to get used to pointing any gun at a person. This was a very “real” way to learn about guns. In the real world, there are hunters, police officers, & soldiers who use guns. I know there are dangers to this approach — a friend many years ago kept a gun in the closet. His grammar school son got the gun down and accidentally killed his younger sister with it when the parents were outside. I don’t know where my grandfather kept his guns. I never saw them except when he got them out for us to use under his supervision. I think exploring what guns are and what they are used for is a good idea.
Anne

By: jessica

jessica — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 18:51:57 +0000

I have many question on this very topic at the moment and so appreciate you broaching the topic here. So far, I’ve tried to take a stance of curiousity when he brings up the subject of guns or introduces the concept during play. I’ve also been striving to come across as sort of neutral and not disapproving (though i know i’ve gone into that territory more than once). My son (Eli — three years almost four) has asked me if I like guns and I’ve told him that I don’t, which lead to a discussion of sorts. But I’m still a bit baffled and will be interested in what others may have to say…